I so very distinctly remember when I was little (back in the dark ages) (quiet, Burl), after taking a bath my mother would give us kids an inspection to see if we were successful in removing all the dirt. She would check the hands, both sides, you know, fingernails, feet, the back of your neck and would work her way finally to your ears. I can still hear her say, “Oh, my goodness, you could grow potatoes in those ears – go wash them again!” And so we would – but do you remember how difficult it was to fit a finger wrapped in a washcloth into your ear? It didn’t always work – and we didn’t have Q-tips back in those days – at least not at our house.
This brings me to the fact that I have been ill – yes, sick. I’ve got a very bad case of spring fever. Which would explain why I was stupid enough to go outside and work in the hurricane force winds that we’ve had here for the last two days. Our temperatures have been in the 70s, which is unheard of in Minnesota in March. That explains the spring fever, right?
Yesterday I decided that I was going to clean up all the dog logs that have been deposited in our front yard over the winter. So Ole gassed up the trusty green machine (that’s John Deere for you non-farming folks). I carefully placed the bags in their proper places, hopped on, lowered the blades, engaged the mower and immediately proceeded to get a face full of dust and grass clippings. There were a few leaks in the system that would have been fine if we hadn’t had 90 mph breezes blowing about. Well, back to Ole I went with my complaints and he immediately fixed the problem with – you guessed it – duct tape – the wonder tool of the 21st century.
Well, that worked for awhile until I got into a really bumpy section of lawn. I started hitting all these little mounds, kind of like trying to ride the lawnmower on a washboard. That’s when I discovered that I have an extremely large infestation of (playing the theme song from Jaws here) NIGHTCRAWLERS! All the bumps caused the chute that goes from the mower deck to the bags to come undone and this time I got a full load of dust and grass clippings in my face. Off the mower, reassemble the chute, back on the mower, make a round or two, hit more bumps and another face full of dust and grass clippings.
Now any normal person would quit – but I’m stubborn enough (or stupid enough) to continue on until the job was done. Three hours of dirt and grass clippings blowing about was quite a challenge. I finished up about 5 o’clock, drove over to park the mower and who should come walking by but Ole of course. He took one look at me and burst out laughing. My face was covered with gray dust, my “beautiful platinum (gray) hair” was even grayer and I was having difficulty hearing because of all the dirt in my ears. A shower soon fixed that situation and I was done for the night. Even after a shower my eyes were still so full of dust I felt like I had a gravel pit in each of them. I woke up several times during the night and used eye drops to help clean them out, but still had big goobers in the corners when I woke up this morning.
Now you would think I would have learned my lesson, wouldn’t you. But no – not me. Because of all the nighcrawlers (don’t forget to hum the Jaws theme here) I decided I was going to use the dethatcher attachment and see if that would knock down some of the lumps and bumps at least temporarily. It seemed to help, but then I had to pick up all the thatch that I had managed to loosen. So once again – every time I would go “with” the wind I would get a face full of clippings and dust. But today I was smarter – I got a pair of goggles from Ole that would help to keep my eyes a bit more dust free. To heck with the ears, I may not be able to hear you, but at least I would be able to see where I was driving.
Now these goggles must have been around for a few years. They were encased in a thick layer of their own dust from laying for a lengthy time out in Ole’s shop. So I took them in the house, washed them tenderly with soap and water and then dried them with a towel. Ta-Dah – I could actually see through them. Now someone with a very fat head must have been wearing these poor goggles as the elastic was so stretched out that it would have taken TWO of my heads to hold them in place. Now – what to do. I just couldn’t go through having granular eyes again. So I cut the elastic and thought I would tie it in a bow behind my head. Now trying to tie elastic at the back of your head has a tendency to get tangled with hair that will also end up in the bow. You men wouldn’t know about that because most of you wear your hair short enough that there isn’t anything to get tangled. The tying wasn’t so bad, but it was the UNtying that really hurt. I think I have several chunks of platinum (gray) hair that are still attached to the elastic.
Anyway – I got over my case of spring feverl. It took two days to do it, but I’m all better now, thank you.